Phoenix Askani from P0V Punx 3

Hi everyone, long time no post. I've been really busy, but finally got some free time, so hopefully going to get the blog going again. Today's video again features Phoenix Askani, the dumb bitch with the haunted vagina. So some moron talks to this dumb bitch about some stupid shit, then starts talking about her stupid fucking tattoos. Aside from that stupid fucking lion, she also apparently has a shitty Alkaline Trio tattoo, along with some other shitty tattoo. She informs us that this is her first porn, which is a God damn bold-faced lie, because we saw her get banged like a year ago in my last update, and this video only came out a few months ago. Maybe she filmed it first. Frankly, I don’t know or care. So she continues the rousing conversation enlightening the cameramoron of her fantasy, which is to have Batman clearing out her musty old Batcave. So they talk more, she’s a student, the dude introducing her is clearly nervous and bumbling over his own moronic words, etc. Eventually she can no longer think of anything to say, so she talks about how tall she is. Then, in a dramatic twist, she starts getting naked and really wants to fuck this dull ass dude. If only pornstars that I actually wanted to see bang would stop doing stupid interviews and get down to business, but nope, only this bitch does it.

So she gets naked, homeboy starts fingering her pussy, you know the drill. At 5:40 or so, it looks like the dumb bitch runs into the camera before making this poor dude bang her out. Then there’s about two minutes of her staring at the camera moaning, and diddling away at her pooter. Throughout she finds it necessary to shift her tongue about her mouth, while also managing to look terrified of the camera. She starts blowing the dude (a substantial improvement from the last video, if I do say so myself, though she still forgets the ball cupping) while she says typical stupid pornstar shit, like “your dick tastes do good,” “it’s so hard,” and Phoenix’s own personal gem, “I love when my mustache tickles your cock.” After she’s done giving the dude head, the camera pans to her “curvaceous” body, for lack of a better word - not the good kind of curves that give a girl a nice hourglass figure, but curves that resemble fat rolls but aren’t really fat. You know, like sort of how waves look in the ocean, or the curves that bring tears to your eyes as you gaze longingly at the American Flag as it ripples majestically in the wind. Then there was about four or so minutes of closeup on her vagina. During this time I went to the bathroom because it was boring and Shanna has a sort of weird vag, and upon returning she was blowing him again, and again not cupping the balls. Stupid bitch. From here the cameraman seeks to get up in dat extra jiggly ass, and attempts to hit it from da back. Reminiscent of Dr. Hibbert’s test on Homer, he slaps her ass a few times. The jiggling is actually sort of hypnotic, in a Goatse sort of way. I know typically when there are less than attractive females to be banged out, the “face down, ass up” method works wonders; however in this case, do not want. A side note, as he hits it from behind, the red mark on her ass sort of resembled the Fiend Skull to me. So after a few minutes of watching that chub jiggle, she blows him again, this time while laughing and making baby noises. She then informs us that she wants him to cum on her face, and surprisingly despite being only inches away from Phoenix, and assumingly mere minutes away from severing his own penis and killing himself, he somehow manages to cum. Then the scene ends, and the dude probably kills himself out of sheer depression for putting his penis through that.

So yet another great scene by one of the best in the industry. Seriously, I’m not going around banging supermodels all day or anything, so maybe I’m not one to talk, but ugly girls need to stay the fuck out of porn. Seriously, who would EVER in their right mind want to jerk off to this when they could fire off some knuckle children to Asa Akira, Jasmine Byrne, Cindy Hope, Jayden Jaymes, or the literally DOZENS of hot porn stars that are currently out there, taking one in the mouth so they can feed their cocaine/World of Warcraft addiction, and some lonely dude can rub one off? I thought this was America. UR JERKIN’ (but not to this scene, rather to a scene where a hot porn star gets banged).

Image: Not for the faint

Video: Here you go