Presley Paige on Burning Angel

This scene is from a website called Burning Angel, and features some scene slut named Presley Paige. I don't know shit about her, except that she fucks some douchebag on camera here.

The scene starts out with some stupid shit, and some dumb story line. It then cuts to some dude that needs to shave getting his dick touched by some girl with hand tattoos. This already makes it clearly obvious why she’s doing a porn on Burning Angel. She’s fashionably wearing some pretty cool jewelry, like earrings that say PORN and a necklace that says SKANK. She’s also wearing pretty kickass sweatbands. The dude is also pretty fashionable, as can be seen by his many tattoos. I think I spot a hand of cards, and an Aqua Teen tattoo. I’m surprised he doesn’t have a script collarbone tattoo as well. Eventually she says she better “do something about those pants.” To which the bearded douchebag quickly agrees.

The scene cuts away, and comes back, showing the man wearing only his toolbelt. Fortunately for this young lass, he’s got a tool for her. She then says “I can’t wait to put my mouth on your cock,” to which he responds “it’s hazardous to your health,” as he pulls out a tube of caulk. Fucking hilarious. Now at this point she starts going down on the dude, and I’m not gay or anything, but it’s hard to not notice how he looks downstairs. Does he have a fucking “V” shaved into his pubes? Seriously? What the fuck. Anyway, she sucks the dude off for what seems like forever. Throughout this he looks like a complete douchebag while trying to be somewhat witty. God I fucking hate this guy.

It then cuts right away to the dude smashing her. Surprisingly, she has really fucking stupid tattoos in her pubic region. Big surprise there. I bet someone regrets her 18^th birthday. Eventually the dude pulls the classic move of taking his dick out and slapping her pussy with it. A+. They continue to fuck for what seems like forever. She seems to have a chest piece with an owl in it, which gives me the hunch that there’s a VERY good chance that someone who reads my blog has fucked this bitch before. This porn apparently doesn’t use transitions, as it just cuts straight to her now riding his wiener. She does this while holding onto a level/ruler, and bouncing up and down upon his not so glorious manhood. Then for some reason the cameraman gets on the other side of the yardstick(?) and films from there. It’s kind of annoying. He then starts hitting it from the backside while she holds onto a ladder. The dude also seems to be hitting his head on the very low ceiling, while measuring absolutely unrelated spots on the roof. He then begins to caulk something that neither needs waterproofing, nor adhesive. Now, I may be a part time Porn Connoisseur, but I’m a professional contractor, and this just pissed me off. Then some girl walks in and starts sawing, and the douchebag says some stupid shit.

The chick starts sucking him off at the end. He then starts beating off while she licks his sack. He’s going at it furiously, before blowing a piddly little load on her shitty looking piercing. He then grins like a fucking moron at the camera, while he loses composure as she continues to touch his penis. To try to redeem himself for being such a fucking douchebag, he slaps her in the face with his dick and claims she’s been “pistol whipped.”

Now quite frankly, this girl isn't that hot. The porn isn't that good, but it was moderately funny, and someone that's reading this probably knows this chick. Anyway, you read this. You can't unread it. UR JERKIN'

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Not many screens, just peep it.

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Jessica Lynn from 40 Ounce Bounce

Hello and welcome to the latest installment of UR JERKIN’ Today’s update features some blonde chick with a big ass, Jessica Lynn. Her face is kind of weird, but hey, you guys like Rachel Starr, so there’s no complaining about Jessica Lynn. The scene is from a website called 40 Ounce Bounce, which I’ve honestly never seen a video from until now. Okay, porn time.

The scene begins with Jessica Lynn shaking her ass around while some shitty song plays. Works for me. It then cuts to two idiots that I think are going to rob a house or something. One of them is African American, and the fact that the 40 Ounce Bounce people have him planning to rob a white person offends me to no end. I’ll be sending in a nasty e-mail to them, so hopefully I get a free subscription or something. Anyway, they hide behind a tree, while they are “crunked up” on this 40 Ounce Bounce, and then proceed to rob some guy. They rob him, and then Jessica Lynn pops out in a superhero costume. Her superpower is apparently shaking her ass. Fuck this is stupid. The man that she saves offers to thank her by inviting Buttwoman inside.

Once inside some dialogue occurs, and the guy that got robbed and Jessica Lynn are about to get their fuck on. She starts by placing his penis inside and around her mouth, while caressing it, and sort of making a “jerkin’” motion with her hand. I’m not sure what this phenomenon is called, but I sure hope that one day some lucky gal does it to me. At about 6:08 the finally stops giving the dude head, and as she begins to take her top(cape?) off, the guy informs her that that was amazing. I’d have to disagree, as that was not one of the better blowjobs I’ve seen in my day. Eventually she gets even more naked-er, and shakes her ass some more. She seems to really like doing that. The guy starts hitting his dick on her ass, while she shakes it, which I can only assume is somewhat degrading. Probably not as degrading as slapping a girl with your dick after you jizz on her face, but still pretty degrading. A+.

He then decides to insert his penis into her, while saying witty comments such as “Wow, what a super pussy.” Get it, because she’s a super hero? Great writing. The guy continues to rail her while she enthusiastically gets into the fact that she now has a penis inside her. Throughout this very fine dicking, she says things such as “fuck my pussy.” I’m not really sure why, because that’s what he was already doing, and it didn’t really look like he intended to stop.

They continue to fuck in various positions until about 25:30, when possibly the greatest surprise twist happens. The original gentleman of color that tried to rob the dude pops back in the house, and he’s armed with a cock. The fake cock from Monsters of Cock, nonetheless. He informs her he is going to cum on her ass, before doing exactly that. This guy delivers. She looks appalled, while the two robbers begin to pour their 40 ounce malt beverages on her buttocks. She begins to bounce her ass, and all is well in the land of porn.

So, this porn was pretty cool I guess. I’d definitely smash Jessica Lynn, even if she is almost as unenthusiastic about her job as Riley Mason is about giving head. Overall, the scene wasn’t bad, but I think 40 Ounce Bounce is sort of. Well, stupid. Either way, this scene is good for a laugh or two maybe, and Jessica Lynn is definitely hot enough, and good enough at fucking that I’d jerk to her. In conclusion: UR JERKIN’

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