Hello, and welcome to the first UR JERKIN’ update since I fucking dominated my finals this semester. Sorry about the delay, but school comes first until I make my big break into the porn industry and start fucking hot chicks for cash on camera. This scene features Avy Lee Roth, and comes from Shane’s World. While I was getting a photo for the update, I was on Wikipedia, and just figured I'd share this fun fact, although Wikipedia isn't really credible. Apparently Avy Lee Roth claims to be the daughter of Van Halen singer, David Lee Roth. I really doubt it, since chances are if she was she'd have way too much money to need to take loads on her ass, but who knows, it could be true. Anyway, since I’m sure none of you care about background info or my personal life, I’ll get onto the review.
The scene begins with two nerds talking about weird fetish porn, which actually exists, and is pretty fucking gross when you think about it. Fetishes such as a lactating midget gangbang, and old ladies who love other old ladies. He also discusses pregnant ladies, which is a bit less gross, but still not my thing whatsoever. Lastly, he informs us of a film, Evolution of a Nympho. I don’t think it’s referring to the mythological woodland creatures from Ancient Greece, but I’ve been surprised by porn before, and I could see it happening again. The main person’s friend admits to being Christian, and they begin discussing unicorns and shit. Maybe this porn will be about females that don’t shave and live in the woods. Then these two come up with a genius plan to fuck unicorns, by selling fake pizza. They print up some fake flyers, pointing out that the drivers of their restaurant, Hot Stuff Pizza have handsome drivers, which is a god damned lie. I hope no illegal prostitution happens in this scene.
Anyway, the two stoner kids decide to meet up near the forest nympho’s house. Apparently there’s also a dead person in the pizza driver’s car. The two men finally begin their journey to the nympho’s doorstep, and none other than the moronic Avy Lee Roth answers the door, and invites them in. They inform her that they both have sausage pizzas for her, and surprisingly, their dicks are in the pizzas. The main guy’s pizza isn’t quite as appealing as the other’s for whatever reason, so I guess Avy Lee Roth just has to fuck the long haired idiot stoner. Avy begins to suck on the man’s big sausage, which actually isn’t really big at all. She then takes her top off, and continues putting her mouth around his penis, while speaking in a pretty obnoxious accent.
After she stops blowing him, he begins sucking on her breasts. Despite the fact that he is already sucking on her breasts, she feels the need to say “yeah, suck on my boobies.” Seems a bit pointless, but to each their own. The man then removes her pants, as she asks him to, and begins eating her out. Fuck, eating out a porn star would probably be pretty disgusting. Anyway, she continues to speak Spanish or Portuguese or something - some South American language. He continues eating her out for a bit, then begins to do some of the most awkward, and probably terrible fingering that I’ve ever seen. Fortunately, the scene quickly changes, and she goes back to looking hot while blowing the guy.
Finally he lays her down and starts to fuck her. She asks what we were all thinking, “what took you so long?” Finally they start fucking, while her makeup caked face continues to speak with an obnoxious accent. Usually I’m not into that much makeup, but fuck, Avy is still pretty rockin’. The fucking itself is actually kinda boring, but whatever, it’s a million times better than watching some dweeb with long greasy hair eating out a hot chick. After the sex begins, the camera pans out so we can see her ass, and his dick. I’m not a huge fan of just staring at a guys junk, but I guess the cameraman is. Different strokes for different folks, pun intended.
They fuck for a while, and eventually he cums on her butt. The nerdy pizza guy is just waiting for them to finish, then Avy’s husband, a Henry Rollins-esque fellow comes in. Think Henry Rollins, but even buffer, and instead of having awesome Misfits and Black Flag tattoos, he has a tribal half sleeve. So Douchy Rollins encounters his wife and the pizza guy fucking, and then beats the shit out of the lucky bastard that just smashed Avy Lee Roth. I’d say it’s worth it.
So that scene was pretty entertaining I guess. I enjoyed it, and have jerked to it on a few occasions. As for the blog, expect updates to become more frequent, seeing as I don’t have shit to do until the end of January when classes begin again. I hope you all enjoy the scene, and have a great new years and such. UR JERKIN’ INTO THE NEW YEAR.
